Troll Miscellany of Miscellaneous Trollery

Missing From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (2 hours old)

I miss you. Your presence can be enfuriating, too, but I can engage with that. Besides, your absence isn't fun.… more

Words can never hurt you From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (10 hours old)

Scoundrel. I love the sound of the word. I would have liked to have been a scoundrel at least once in my life, but I think the concept is a but too Terry-Thomas for me. In my thirties, I thought… more

A tall neck story From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (11 hours old)

Anyway there were these two ostriches, A and B. Of course I could give them cuddly names, but that would be a wee bit anthropomorphic, don't you think? And, as far as I know, nobody has an ostrich… more

So, Goodbye "Featured Blog" page From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (13 hours old)

Or not? Will we be told? Can't say I wil be sorry - the algorithm chosing them seemed to be so perverse. It niether tracked the blogs more the most visitors (check any internet analytics site and… more

Tags that are lost forever From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (16 hours old)

Hello alecweston, in order to use your tags to improve the searchability of your blog posts, it has been necessary to make a few changes to the tag system. (Blah, blah - most BCUK bloggers amy … more

It's not fair! From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (22 hours old)

But if everything in the world were fair, we would all be living just above the poverty line.… more

Tell me something I don't know From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (1 day old)

please… more

the key to a succesful blog From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (1 day old)

What do you think the key is? A new young blogger has asked for my advice. How would I know? Considering the overall high quality of Too Much to Declare (sarky, negative comments will be deleted :>… more

All's for the best, in the best... From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (1 day old)

of all possible worlds. Well, not quite, but after assembling all the necessary info about gas meter numbers, empty flats in building etc (and locking myself out in the process, price of locksmith £… more

Blog Adultery From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (2 days old)

"If you spent half as much time talking to me as you do writing in that blog, we might have a chance of saving our marriage." Has a blog ever been cited as a co-respondent in a divorce action? "Just… more

No Gas From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (2 days old)

So I've had a shower, washed my hair! Hot water! Central Heating! Fixed by a friendly engineer within five minutes and no charge! So what was wrong? Somebody had turned my gas off at the meter.… more

How long is eternal life? From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (2 days old)

five minutes shorter than the wait for the guy to come and fix my central heating boiler.… more

Panic over From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (3 days old)

...by the way, since you asked. But my boiler is not due to be mended until 4pm, because I have a longstanding business appointment in Chichester this morning. My hair looks like a Guy Faulkes b… more

What are the colour of her eyes? From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (3 days old)

Her eyes change colour several times in the course of the 800 page novel. Although they begin and end as hazel brown, they are greeny-blue for a good part of the first section, then transform overnig… more

... and sulk From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (3 days old)

Yes, I'm pissed off, too, that only one person let me hypnotise them last night. http://alphamin.blog.co.uk/2009/10/31/look-into-my-eyes-7283038/… more

A Time for Every Purpose From timsuzi ^Pro in My Secret Garden (3 days old)

The house is empty now apart from the room next door which is full of cardboard boxes, bin bags and piles of plates, cutlery and books ready for the removal firm to pack tomorrow. It feels strange to … more

Panic From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (3 days old)

I feel dizzy with panic. O hell, what a mess I've made of my life... It's... too... panic… more

oh well. From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (3 days old)

I haven't had a bath for three and a half days, my website has been down for almost as long, my dance class was cancelled last night, one of the few weeks I could have gone - and when I reached the c… more

Sony BRAVIA 52 inch penis plasma, passou? From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (4 days old)

YOU MISSED SO MUCH WHILE YOU WERE ASLEEP... Sony BRAVIA V-Series KDL-52V5100 52-Inch 1080p 120Hz LCD HDTV, Black This system is the best thing that could have happened to people with small penises. I… more

Look into my eyes... From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (4 days old)

...Straight into my eyes. Deep breaths. You are feeling, very very sleepy.. . So sleepy. You eyes just can't stay open... There. You are under my control. And when you open your you have becom… more

Maybe an Apology From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (4 days old)

I think I behaved like a bit an arsehole here on blog yesterday, making one or two nasty Comments. Or not. Lets face it, most of us: (1) behave like (insert your favourite nasty word) sometimes … more

Slip From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (5 days old)

One of my slippers is missing, presumed forever lost. (Don't ask) So, short of amputation or the invention of a radical hopping game, I might as well throw the other one away, too.… more

Tweet From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (5 days old)

I am worried concerned… more

Heaven's Gate From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (5 days old)

I imagine the track winding its way through green, tree-speckled hills towards the Gateway to Heaven. Birds singing, of course, the occasinal flock of sheep. And a long queue of people shuffling its… more

Logic of Dire Emergency From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (5 days old)

Ignition Failure. No Engineer Available until After Weekend. No Hot Water for 4 Days. Need to Find Gym with Free Trial Membership.… more

Mornings are so confusing From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (5 days old)

"Bugger this for a lark" said the pilot light. "You've hardly used the central heating all month and now you don't even turn on the hot water." "I was away for a couple of days..." "Fuck you!" T… more

whom waits for who? The Bell Tolls From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (6 days old)

"Silently, the corpse awaited the autopsy" - Luck's Favourite by Octave Feuillet (1821-1890) But in a sense you could argue, writes our resident intellectual prat, it makes more senses to say the aut… more

Urban Question From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (6 days old)

Do all covered manholes in British streets stink of sewage? Or is it only in Brighton?… more

The energy of anger From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (8 days old)

... and other planned posts will have to wait. I'm off to my mother's for 36 or so hours. The plus side is I will not have to go there on Saturday. And, oh yes, I will miss two days of building… more

on the wall, off the wall From alecweston ^Pro in Too Much To Declare (8 days old)

"Gaze as long and as intensely as you like. Making love to your reflection in the mirror has limited tactile appeal."… more